apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
