She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
