i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
