I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
