we're blogging at a bar
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
