guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Randomize
