I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
