is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
