thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
