I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I think my moral compass just broke
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