The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
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