So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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