I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
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