Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
