i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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