I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
