I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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