My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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