I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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