It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
