I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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