The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
there is glitter all over my balls
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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