WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
