And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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