hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
