Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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