Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
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