Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
