It's Friday. Sex?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
