i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
