dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
