yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
