i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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