I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
