That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
