Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
