Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
