C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
