whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Randomize
