Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
