There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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