We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
