I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
