I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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