do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
