what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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