I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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