I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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