but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
