what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
