i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
