is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
